By Kari Gulin, MSW, RSW
How can you elicit good behavior and focus on the positives with your child?
We have all been there at some point in our lives. You’re out in public, when your child has a full on meltdown. The works: crying, yelling, kicking, and rolling on the floor. You begin to panic and a million thoughts are racing through your mind as you’re trying to figure out how to get this to stop.
What we know from basic behavior theories, is that all human behavior serves a purpose. As humans, we act with intention to get something we want, or avoid something that we don’t want.
Psychologist and Behaviourist, B.F. Skinner, tested these exact things to determine what would change the course of a specific behavior (Schacter, Gilbert, & Wegner, 2011). By adding or removing something very specific, we can see an immediate shift in behavior. What is that something you may ask? Reinforcement
What is Reinforcement?
Through research, it has been proven that behavior is a learned response. When reinforcement is added into the equation, it can have a direct impact on the positive behavior we are looking to increase. Reinforcement is also unique to each person and will take some work to figure out what will motivate them.
Reinforcement is “anything that increases the likelihood that a response will occur. Note that reinforcement is defined by the effect that it has on behavior—it increases or strengthens the response” (Cherry, 2017).
There are two different types of reinforcement. Both forms of reinforcement alter behavior, but they do so in different ways:
Positive reinforcement involves adding something to increase a response, such as giving candy to a child after she cleans up her room. This could also include verbal praise as reinforcement (i.e. you did that all by yourself, wow you’re so responsible…).
Negative reinforcement involves removing something in order to increase a behavior; such as canceling a quiz if students complete their homework for the week. By removing the aversive task (the quiz), the teacher hopes to increase the desired behavior (completing all homework). Another example is telling your child that they can get up from the dinner table after they have taken 3 bites of vegetables.
Although these terms involve the words positive and negative, it is important to note that they do not mean “good or bad”. Rather, positive means that something is added to change the behavior, whereas negative means that something is removed to alter the behavior (Skinner, 2012).
Positive Reinforcement
Positive reinforcement is adding a pleasant stimulus to increase a behavior.
Negative Reinforcement
Negative reinforcement is removing an aversive stimulus to increase a behavior.
Why does it work?
It’s the foundation of all learning: Human beings learn by making associations, consciously or unconsciously. Babies learn that crying gets them fed and provides them with physical comfort. As kids get older, they learn that cleaning their room and doing homework earns them rewards and special privileges.
It can be used to manage and change behavior: This might involve praising your child immediately after they put their toys away without being asked. By reinforcing the behavior you want to see more of (putting the toys away), the child will be more likely to perform the same behavior in the future.
Reinforcements must change with the person: Based on the behavior, you need to change the reinforcement as the child gets older. Giving a teenager candy isn’t as strong of a reinforcement as it is to a young child. Getting a later curfew or going on a special outing may be more age appropriate.
Non-adaptive behaviors don’t last: Your child may be engaging in a behavior that is negative or is something that can impact them in the long-term. It is important to figure out the kind of reward a child is receiving by engaging in this behavior. For example, if a child begins to engage in violent behaviors at school, yet they are given attention and care after the incident occurs, then the behavior is being reinforced. The attention and care must be removed and the child should only receive that type of response to positive, adaptive behaviors.
While it’s easy to think that human beings operate on a conscious level and that the choices made are well thought through, children will do what they are supposed to do simply because they will want the reward (or they will want to avoid punishment). Continued reward leads to a pattern that eventually develops a habit and then specific behaviors will become automatic. (Huerta, 2014)
How Do We Implement It?
Add a token system: buttons, rocks, stickers…etc pick an item and allow your child to collect them when they complete the preferred behavior. For example, if you are teaching them to chew with their mouth closed, every time they successfully do this, provide them with a token. At the end of the day or week, once they have collected a certain number of tokens, they can earn a reward. It’s best to include the child in the decision of what the reward should be – this way you know they are motivated to work towards it.
Consistency: this is a critical piece in all of this. If parents are requesting a certain behavior, it is critical to follow through and be consistent. Ensure that you are noticing each and every time your child displays the preferred behavior and that your responses each time are similar.
If you feel like being consistent will be challenging, then it might be good to start with a smaller behavior that you can practice with before moving on to a larger/more time consuming behavior. This teaches the child that they can receive things they like when they behave appropriately, which will increase their self-esteem in the long-term.
Modeling behavior: role model positive behaviors to encourage the same behavior from your children. The blanket praise of “good job” does not offer any specific information around what the person did well at or what they are being praised for. Try to be specific in your comments to others and to your children, that way they will know exactly what is positive and what they should do more of.
Communication is key, along with having realistic expectations. A parent can’t assume their two-year-old child will be able to sit through a family meal without some challenges. But, when the behavior is modeled and expectations are communicated clearly to the child, the desired behavior can be achieved. Instead of becoming frustrated when the behavior starts not going as planned, redirect the child and support them with the behaviour. Everyday won’t be like the next so it will take some creativity to work with your child. Maybe at the next meal, you will have them play with a toy while eating to help them stay seated just a little longer.
Validation: try to acknowledge the feeling that your child is expressing. This is a helpful de-escalation technique for when your child is doing what seems like anything but listening to you. Try to think about what they are seeking – are they hungry? Are they feeling lonely? Are they feeling sad? Once we can figure out what they are trying to express with their behavior, the quicker they will settle and feel understood.
According to Kohn, instead of tossing kids in time-out, spending time reasoning with children in a warm and compassionate manor offers better responses resulting in future well-adjusted and loving adults. (“Behaviorism and the Developing Child”, 2011)
What’s Next?
Learn more about Kari and how she can help you apply behaviourism principles to your life and focus on the positives. Contact us today if you’re ready to experience an improvement in your mental health.
Contact us: 289.648.4033 kari@lifetherapytoronto.com
References
- Behaviorism and the Developing Child. (2011, April 21). Retrieved October 27, 2017, from http://www.funderstanding.com/educators/behaviorism-and-the-developing-child/
- Cherry, K. (2017, July 21). What Is Reinforcement and How Is it Used in Psychology? Retrieved October 27, 2017, from https://www.verywell.com/what-is-reinforcement-2795414
- Huerta, M. (2014, October 24). Parenting and B.F. Skinner: It All Boils Down to Operant … Retrieved October 27, 2017, from https://www.kars4kids.org/blog/parenting-b-f-skinner-it-all-boils-down-to-operant-conditioning/
- Skinner, B. (2012). Science And Human Behavior. Riverside: Free Press.
- Schacter, D. L., Gilbert, D. T., & Wegner, D. M. (2011). Psychology. New York: Worth.
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