By Kari Gulin, MSW, RSW

At some point in our lives, we have looked at someone else and wondered “how are things so easy for them…” We have compared our situation and continued to feel as though life can be unfair. The truth is that these people are not so different from you and I. They have certain skills and habits that help them overcome life challenges and they do not let adversity get them down. We all experience difficult moments in our life, and by increasing our protective factors, or positive things in our life, this helps us bounce back easier and faster.

What is Resilience?

Resilience involves being able to recover from difficulties or change—to enable us to thrive in the face of adversity. Many refer to this as “bouncing back” from difficulties or challenges. Adversity and stress can come in the shape of family or relationship problems, health problems, or workplace and financial worries, among others. People who are resilient can effectively cope or adapt to stress and challenging life situations. They learn from the experience of being able to effectively manage in one situation, making them better able to cope with stresses and challenges in future situations. In other words, dealing with challenges can make us grow and can make us stronger. Rather than merely bouncing back, we’re better prepared than we were before to face challenges that lie ahead.

A common misconception is that resilient people are free from negative emotions or thoughts, and are optimistic in most or all situations. Actually, it is the contrary, resilient individuals have, through time, developed coping techniques that allow them to effectively navigate through crises. Basically, people who display resilience are people with optimistic attitudes and positive emotions; they are able to effectively counter negative emotions with positive emotions.

The Process

Resilience is a process, rather than a trait to be had. It is a process of individuation through a structured system with gradual discovery of personal and unique abilities. Most research now shows that resilience is the result of individuals being able to interact with their environments and the processes that either promote well-being or protect them against the overwhelming influence of risk factors. It is essential to understand the risk factors we face and to the extent that they impact us. When people are faced with an adverse condition, there are three ways in which people typically approach the situation:

1. Become angry
2. Feel overwhelming negative emotions, shut down, and become unable to react
3. Become upset about the disruptive change and noticing the emotion

The third approach promotes well-being. It is employed by resilient people, who become upset about the disruptive state and thus change their current pattern to cope with the issue. The first and second approaches lead people to adopt the victim role by blaming others and rejecting any coping methods even after the crisis is over. These people prefer to instinctively react, rather than respond to the situation. Those who respond to the adverse conditions by adapting themselves tend to cope, spring back, and halt the crisis. Negative emotions involve fear, anger, anxiety, distress, helplessness, and hopelessness which decrease a person’s ability to solve the problems they face and weaken a person’s resiliency. Constant fears and worries weaken people’s immune system and increase their vulnerability to illnesses.

These processes include individual coping strategies, or may be helped by a protective environment like good families, schools, communities, and social policies that make resilience more likely to occur. In this sense “resilience” occurs when there are cumulative “protective factors”. These factors are likely to play a more important role, the greater the individual’s exposure to cumulative risk factors.

Often, we can make ourselves more or less vulnerable by how we think about our life and specific situations. The brain is a complex system that can learn to link positive thoughts and feelings to situations and work to re-wire some of the automatic patterns that have been formed. It takes time and practice – here are some simple ways to help get you started.

How to Increase Resilience

Accept that change is a part of living. Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter.

Examine your environment. surround yourself with those who lift you up and consider who you interact with on a daily basis. Are you in a toxic relationship with your coworker, boss, friend or significant other? It is important to take inventory of your relationships and determine which are making you feel yourself, and which are contributing to you feeling out of sync.

Focus on solutions. We can sometimes get caught up in our thoughts and ruminate on the situation, rather than focusing on a solution. You can’t change the fact that stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events. When we objectively look at the situation and think of ways to manage or solve it, then we can get closer to feeling better and reducing our emotional responses. The key is to focus on the FACTS and what we know to be 100% true.

Move toward your goals. Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly — even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, you can ask yourself, “What’s one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?”

Making connections. When we face hard times, most of us have low energy and end up isolating ourselves. It is important to recognize when this is happening and then do the OPPOSITE. By engaging in the behavior we are avoiding, we are actually rewiring our brains to seek support from others. Reaching out to family, friends, or health care providers is important to ensure you can talk about what is going on, or distract yourself. Science tells us that isolating ourselves can negatively impact our mental health and often leads us to feel like the hard times will never end.

Take decisive actions. Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would just go away.

Look for opportunities for self-discovery. People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss. Many people who have experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality and heightened appreciation for life.

Nurture a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.

Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.

Maintain a hopeful outlook. An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.

Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Taking care of yourself helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with situations that require resilience.

Taking care of your physical and mental health. We know that mental and physical health are directly linked. They are also key ingredients in keeping us resilient! Forming healthy physical and mental habits are important to reduce stress and decrease our physical responses to adversity. Plan to engage in a new habit every single day- have you taken a walk lately? Or maybe you could practice some muscle relaxation. Try something new (big or small) every single day.

What’s Next?

Learn more about Kari and how she can help you put a plan into place in a way that is unique to your needs and life. Contact us today if you’re ready to experience an improvement in your mental health.

Contact us: 289.648.4033       kari@lifetherapytoronto.com

References

1. American Psychological Association. (2014). The Road to Resilience
2. Block, J. H., & Block, J. (1980). “The role of ego-control and ego-resiliency in the origination of behavior”, pp. 39–101 in W. A. Collings (Ed.) The Minnesota Symposia on Child Psychology. Vol. 13. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.
   Klohnen, E. C. (1996). “Conceptual analysis and measurement of the construct of ego-resiliency”. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 70 (5): 1067–79. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.70.5.1067
3. How to Manage Stress. (n.d.) Retrieved February 24, 2018 from: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/stress/developing-resilience/#.WpHOb4PwbIV
4. Rutter, M. (2008). “Developing concepts in developmental psychopathology”, pp. 3–22 in J.J. Hudziak (ed.) Developmental psychopathology and wellness: Genetic and environmental influences. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Publishing.
5. Understanding resilience. (n.d.). Retrieved February 24, 2018, from http://www.camh.ca/en/education/teachers_school_programs/resources_for_teachers_and_schools/growing_up_resilient_ways_to_build_resilience_in_children_and_youth/Pages/undertstanding_resilience.aspx
6. Werner, E., & Smith, R. S. (1992). Overcoming the odds: high risk children from birth to adulthood. Ithaca, NY: Cornell University Press.
7. Wolin, S. J., & Wolin, S. (1993). Bound and Determined: Growing up resilient in a troubled family. New York: Villard.

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